Ruairi Stewart

We thought 2020 was a year like no other but we’re not even a month into 2021 and we’re already over it.

Having barely taken the Christmas decorations down, PM Boris Johnson announced earlier this month that England was going into a third national lockdown.

Sure we’ve been here before, twice before to be precise, but this time round our previously positive “we can do this” resolve seems to have dwindled.

From having to tackle round two of the work/life/homeschool juggle, to anxiety over the rising numbers of coronavirus cases and deaths, and all without a hug from our family and friends, it’s little wonder so many of us are feeling somewhat overwhelmed.

As if we haven’t got enough to contend with, January also brings us Blue Monday, which is considered the most depressing day of the year.

Read more: How to look after your mental health this January

Falling on the third Monday of the year, the term was coined by psychologist Cliff Arnall, who came up with a “formula” for the height of the January blues after he was asked to do so by travel firm Sky Travel.

While this was a marketing stunt, it is widely thought that January is a month when many of us struggle.

And this year, with everything going on, Monday 18 January, 2021, looks set to be the bluest of all Blue Mondays.

“As the festive season has come to an end, lockdown continues to keep us shut up in our houses and the cold, wet and dark winter weather rages on, some of us will experience feeling a little blue,” explains Niels Eék, psychologist and co-founder of mental health and self-development platform Remente.

Though Eék is not a believer in the day itself, he believes the winter months, and January in particular, can leave us all feeling a little more blue than the rest of the year.

This year, lockdown will no doubt play a role in this being one of the toughest Blue Mondays in memory for some.

During the third national lockdown, “many people across the UK may be finding that they feel more stressed, anxious and overwhelmed than ever,” Eék explains.

“When confronted with difficult feelings, it can be challenging to think and act rationally, and even function in a way that is normal to us. This is a completely natural response to an ever-changing and uncertain situation.”

Eék says feeling overwhelmed is the brain’s reaction to an overload in thoughts and emotions.

“It is a signal telling you to ‘stop, pause, step back and take a minute’,” he explains.

So what’s different about this lockdown and why is it making us feel so overwhelmed?

According to Eék, the pandemic has inevitably caused a lot of uncertainty for all of us and, for those who regularly suffer from anxiety, or have suffered particularly this year, the darker months, cold and wet weather, paired with a third lockdown may be exacerbating those already prevalent feelings.

“Additionally, because we are now in a cycle of entering and exiting lockdown, it can feel as though returning to ‘normal’ is less and less attainable, and the uncertainty around when we may be able to leave lockdown, or if a fourth lockdown will follow, can become a point of concern and fixation, leading to increased anxiety and negative feelings,” he adds.

Pamela Roberts, psychotherapist at the Priory’s Woking Hospital, believes we’re currently experiencing a sense of collective trauma, which is contributing to feelings of overwhelm right now.

“We aren’t brilliant at processing complex emotions; our culture doesn’t help us, as news and social media is ‘drip fed’ to us,” she explains.

Read more: Healthier You: 5 Top Tips To Boost Your Mental Health

While we adjusted to previous lockdowns, Roberts says many of us were left with lingering feelings of anxiety.

“Lockdown 3.0 may therefore be triggering all sorts of negative emotions from the other lockdowns, and exacerbating them,” she explains.

“So we are being ‘re-triggered’, having thought we might have found a platform of safety, mentally speaking. It can be exhausting, and draining.”

Watch: Why winter could be the worst season for mental health

https://uk.style.yahoo.com/third-americans-claim-worst-season-140200130.html

What happens to your body when you’re feeling overwhelmed?

According to psychotherapist Ruairi Stewart, aka The Happy Whole Coach, being constantly overwhelmed can activate the body’s fight or flight response.

“On a physical level this mobilising your body to take some sort of action can leave you hyper vigilant, keyed up, irritable, fatigued, prone to mood swings and manifesting itself as a low tolerance for stress,” he explains.

“This is also likely to take a toll on your relationships with others impacting on your ability to stay calm and present, with so much going on internally with negative ruminative thoughts, it won’t take much for a person to feel overwhelmed and as if the pandemic is sending them over the edge.”

Stewart says the longer people stay in this headspace, can have a negative impact on physical wellbeing.

“It can also have a negative impact on relationships with all the added pressure and being forced to adapt to so much restriction, he explains.

“Parents are having to take on homeschooling roles as well as maintaining a household and possibly work from home – it’s a lot to process.”

The good news is, there is something we can do about it.

If you are finding yourself feeling overwhelmed, there are a number of small actions you can take and changes you can make to ease those feelings and gear up for a more positive Blue Monday and beyond.

Read more: How to learn from failure, according to a psychologist

How to tackle feelings of overwhelm and feel more positive

Take a tech break

As we are finding ourselves spending more time at home, Eék says we should be wary of too much screen time.

“Research has shown that digital overload can contribute to feelings of anxiety, as getting constant notifications throughout the day causes our bodies to produce more of the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline, which can cause nervousness, anxiety and eventually leave us feeling overwhelmed,” he explains.

The barrage of news about the pandemic that we get through our devices can also cause or worsen feelings of anxiety.

“To help avoid overstimulation, you may want to set aside some time where you put your phone away or avoid screens entirely to help your brain recover from the stresses of the day.”

Reframe your mindset

Acknowledge that you cannot control the current situation, only your reaction to it.

“Mindfulness and goal-setting can help manage how we react to the world around us and, in turn, put us more at ease,” Eék explains.

Tune into your feelings

Learn to pay attention to your thoughts and challenge the narrative if it’s mainly fear based.

“What would you say to your best friend to give them reassurance? Look for the positives in this experience and recognise how resilient you have already been, adapting to the first two lockdowns,” suggests Stewart.

“What did you do well first time round and what will you do differently this time that would help you cope better?”

Pause and take a deep breath

Eék suggests starting the day with meditation or breathing exercises. “These simple but effective exercises may help you to centre yourself, preparing you to face the rest of the day,” he explains.

One such technique is to breathe in slowly through your nose, whilst counting to ten. Then exhale through your mouth, again counting to ten slowly whilst consciously dropping your shoulders and relaxing your body.

“You can repeat this until you feel calm and relaxed enough to get moving again,” he adds. “Practising these exercises at different times throughout the day, or in the moments you find yourself feeling really overwhelmed, can help to alleviate negative feelings and help you to calm your mind.”

Practice being in the present

If you start to notice yourself feeling overwhelmed, try to recognise what led you to this feeling and practice being “in the now”.

“Stop and listen to what you can hear, and ‘stretch’ your hearing beyond that, to things you can’t hear,” suggests Roberts. “Can you hear things like birds for example? Do the same with temperatures and textures. What can you feel around you that is hot, warm or cold, or soft or ruffled.

“Imagine opening a book, and feeling the pages and noticing the smell of the book. Imagine sand running between your toes. Does it remind you of another time or place? These sorts of exercises can change the pattern of your thinking and stop you going into ‘auto-pilot’ with negative thoughts.”

Distract yourself

Roberts suggests doing a distraction activity for 10 minutes to avoid ‘excessive’ thinking. “It can be as simple as taking a shower, or getting a hot water bottle and wrapping yourself in a blanket,” she says. “Do something calming and soothing, and be compassionate to yourself.”

Read more: How our lifestyles became less healthy in first lockdown

Seek help

If you are feeling overwhelmed or struggling to cope, always seek help from your local GP. “Maintaining good mental health is as important as maintaining good physical health,” Eék says.

“Just as you would seek help from your doctor if you were injured, your GP is there to listen, to talk to you, and can direct and/or refer you to a mental health specialist if needed.”

You can also look to mental health charities that are there to help, such as Anxiety UK, Mind or Rethink Mental Illness for additional resources.

For further help

The Samaritans charity offers emotional support to people in distress and those who are struggling to cope. You can call them from any phone for free on 116 123. You can email jo@samaritans.org and a Samaritans volunteer will respond.

Mind is one of the UK’s leading charities. For support you can call their Infoline on 0300 123 3393, email info@mind.org.uk or text 86463.

The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) has a helpline number which is 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.

Watch: Holly Willoughby urges viewers to seek help during lockdown.

It’s not uncommon to feel dread come December. Sure, some people will look forward to the festive pile-up of cooking, eating, entertaining, socialising and decorating that’s part and parcel of the season. “But, very often Christmas can be a very tricky time of year, when the reality doesn’t live up to the Christmas fantasy and all it holds with it,” says accredited psychotherapist Lucy Fuller.

The impending sense of doom may be amplified if a person is grieving, already struggling with their mental health, or lonely. And with Covid-19 in the mix, many might be feeling panic at the changes to the “holly, jolly season” – particularly if they live to socialise. December dread affects extroverts as much as introverts.

A new survey by the Samaritans reveals being separated from family and friends ones over the Christmas period is one of the biggest concerns facing callers.

The survey of 1,400 of the charity’s volunteers found that, over the past three months, around a quarter (27%) have spoken to callers who were feeling concerned about their own wellbeing over the winter and festive period.

The most common two worries were being separated from loved ones – and how to cope with being lonely or alone this Christmas.

December dread is “much more common this year because of lockdown,” says Gregori Savva, a psychotherapist who runs Counselling Twickenham.

The winter months can seem to stretch on forever, and be dark and cold, with little opportunity to exercise and make the most of the limited daylight – all of these things, in addition to poor diet, can contribute to us feeling low, he says.

“Obviously December and Christmas are a time for many people to build a sense of dread,” he says. “The nervous system has been dulled by the cold, wet days of winter. And like all mammals we are preparing for the dark days ahead.

“The lack of light limits the production of melanin and Vitamin D, which regulate how much sleep we get, the efficiency of our metabolism and digestive system. A lack of vitamin D also lowers our immune system and makes us more susceptible to winter respiratory diseases.”

All in all, not conducive to us feeling great.

What can you do to fight December dread?

Make plans and stick to them. “My advice would be to plan ahead in terms of making social contact over Christmas,” says Fuller. “If you let your low mood take over, in anticipation of a having a miserable time over the Christmas period, then the Christmas holiday will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

She urges people to arrange to meet friends or loved ones for a walk or to exercise somewhere away from home – and to have wider family Zoom sessions together involving games and quizzes you can all participate in online.

“Plan your Christmas day and Boxing day with your favourite food, films and activities,” she adds. And don’t forget to turn off your phone, too – use this period to have a few ‘me’ days. You could treat yourself to an at-home spa day, sort your wardrobe out, or plan what you’d like to do next year.

“2020 has been dire, but 2021 has to be better, as the vaccine is rolled out and society will slowly creep back to how it ‘should’ be,” Fuller adds.

If money is fuelling your feelings of dread, it’s best to be honest with those close to you about your financial situation. Lots of people will be in the same boat this year, says Ruairí Stewart, a psychotherapist known as the Happy-Whole Coach.

“The pandemic has not been financially kind to many of us, meaning pressures around spending money could feel even more distressing this year,” he says.

“If this is the case for you, communicate your fears to those around you and express that, though you would buy them the world if you could, this year will have to be toned down. Try to own your experience and alleviate any feelings of shame – you never know, someone unexpected might be feeling the same.”

Instead of buying presents, you could agree to a gift swap, where you swap something you own and love with something they own and love – a favourite jumper, for examples, or a throw or ornament. You could make them a gift instead of buying something, bake them an edible present (some cookies, mince pies, or a cake), or just agree to meet up and spend time together.

Mindfulness exercises which focus on ‘observing’ your physical sensations through meditative exercises could also help alleviate feelings of dread, suggests Savva. “This is not about achieving perfect calm and equilibrium, but acknowledging and accepting the physical sensation in your body and the emotional ebbs and flows they create.”

You might want to try some slow, deep breathing; stretching out the tense muscles in your neck, shoulders and back; or more rigorous exercises to increase your breathing and heart rate, he suggests.

Getting outside in daylight (try a lunchtime walk each day), eating three balanced meals a day and exercising can also help lift your spirits.

When to seek professional help

It’s best to seek help before the feelings of dread become overwhelming, says Savva. This might be when you notice that you are feeling hyper-vigilant (nervy irritable and on edge) for much of your day, or if you often find yourself in numb, dissociative states, cut off from your emotions and disconnected from others.

“Counsellors and psychotherapists can help you develop sensory awareness of physical sensations, emotions and behavioural strategies to get you through these difficult times,” he says.

You can access a limited number of therapy sessions for free via the NHS’s IAPT service or find private therapists through sites such as Counselling Directory and the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.

If you find yourself getting to the point where you are completely unable to motivate yourself and you’re experiencing very low mood, you need to seek emergency help, says Fuller, who recommends the NHS’s Emergency Mental Health Helpline (dial 111 or find a local helpline number here) or to call Samaritans on 116123.

Between December 1 last year and January 1 this year, Samaritans responded to more than a quarter of a million calls for help – over 10,000 calls for help were made on Christmas Day alone.

Jason, 50, from Reading, recalls how his whole world fell apart one Christmas after struggling with his mum’s death, breaking up with the mother of his son and losing his job.

“The hardship faced by people trying to cope with the pandemic reminds me how overwhelming everything became for me at Christmas, to the point that I didn’t feel or see there was a benefit to being here,” he says. ”Thankfully my ex-wife noticed my struggles and convinced me to pick up the phone to Samaritans.

“Although it was one of the hardest things I have done – that phone call changed my life and put me on a new path. I had completely lost my way in life before the call. Samaritans gave me hope and helped me to find my purpose again. For me, it was the smallest thing with the greatest outcome.”

He concludes: “Our own self-care this Christmas and beyond is so important. Take each day as it comes, have strength to reach out for support in times of need; for me that would be the best gift anyone could give themselves.”

Covid-19 is more than a news story – it has changed every aspect of life in the UK. We are following how Britain is experiencing this crisis, the different stages of collective emotion, reaction and resilience. You can tell us how you are feeling and find further advice and resources here.

Useful websites and helplines

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.

Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).

CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.

The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk

Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0300 5000 927 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.